The Art of Feeling: Understanding Emotional Numbness and What to Do About It
Emotional numbness isn't your brain slacking off; it's more like it's putting on its superhero cape, ready to save the day. It sees you drowning in a sea of distressing feelings and swoops in, yelling, "Hold on, I'll save you!" But here's the kicker: it gets a little too enthusiastic. It doesn't just dial down the unbearable feelings; it mutes everything. The highs, the lows, the in-betweens—all zapped to nothingness. That's when you catch yourself thinking, "This can't be right." Welcome to the reality of emotional numbing. This blog is your roadmap out of the emotional void. Let's peel back the layers of your numbed psyche and kickstart your emotional engine.
The Nature of Emotional Numbness: What Is Really Going On?
Misconceptions About Numbing Out
A lot of people think numbing out is like flipping a switch — emotions off, problems are gone. It is actually doing the opposite of taking away your problems. This misconception has been brought up in the therapy room many times by the people I work with. Unfortunately, that is not how our emotions work. In reality, numbing is your brain's emergency brake when the emotional roller coaster is about to fly off the tracks. It's not that you're feeling zero; it's that you're overloaded, and your brain is well-intentioned in trying to prevent a disaster from happening.
Your Brain on Autopilot
When life pitches a curveball the size of a freakin' asteroid, our brains go into overdrive to protect us. Some of us dive headfirst into a bottle, others binge-watch TV until our eyes glaze over, and some of us scroll through social media like we’re hunting for the last golden ticket to Willy Wonka's. Then there are those who just hit the internal mute button, trying to ignore their own feelings. Guess what? It's a short-term bandaid for an ongoing long-term issue that needs a better approach. All these are just your brain's knee-jerk reactions to help you reschedule dealing with the emotional mess—it doesn't actually fix anything.
Causes of Numbing: Why Are We Like This?
Emotional numbing isn't a hobby you pick up, like knitting or pottery. It's born from the difficult times life throws at us—childhood traumas, the soul-crushing pressures of society, or simply trying to keep up with the breakneck speed of everyday existence. It's a survival tactic our brain has picked up along the way. Although well-intentioned and at times helpful in small doses and when combined with long-term solutions. It's like using duct tape to fix a leaking dam—it might hold up for a bit, but eventually, it will burst. When emotional numbing is our only solution and is used over a long time, it can have some big effects.
Consequences of Emotional Numbing
Short-term Relief vs. Long-term Harm
Imagine you’re on a cruise. It’s supposed to be a nice break from the grind, right? But the ship’s sinking. Instead of manning the lifeboats, you’re chilling at the bar, sipping on that fancy drink with the little umbrella. This is what dodging your emotions feels like. Sure, it’s calm and cool for a moment. But the water is rising, and eventually, it will swallow you whole.
I’ve spent over a decade as a therapist, walking with people through the murky waters of their emotions. Early in my career, I worked with a client who was the poster child for emotional avoidance. Let’s call him Dave. Dave was a master at numbing out. Work stress? Pour a drink. Relationship problems? Turn on the TV. He was so good at avoiding his feelings that he could have won an Olympic gold in emotional gymnastics. But, as the façade crumbled, Dave’s life started looking more like a scene from a tragedy. He struggled to sleep, full of anxiety and stress due to a marriage on the rocks and little hope of getting out of the anxiety he was experiencing.
Through our sessions, Dave learned that he had used emotional numbing as a coping mechanism for so long that he confused it from a short-term coping skill to a long-term solution. Because emotional numbing is never a good long-term solution, it was an active contributor to his life falling apart. We tackled those suppressed feelings, dug deep into the discomfort, and gradually, the numbing ceased. Dave began to feel again, and yeah, it sucked at times. But those feelings? They were signals, guiding him back from the brink, showing him where the leaks in his life needed fixing.
Trust me, the weight of unchecked emotional baggage is heavier than any physical burden. And lugging that around? It’s no way to live. So, let’s stop playing hide-and-seek with our feelings. It’s time to face them head-on, unpleasant as they may be. Because on the other side of that discomfort is a life not just survived but truly lived. You can learn to thrive in life!
Impact on Physical and Emotional Health
When you shove your emotions into the back closet of your mind, you're essentially giving your body a crappy job. You're making it hoard all that heavy, ugly stuff—stress, anxiety, the agony of heartbreak. And guess what? Your body is the world's worst hoarder. It wasn't built for stockpiling pain. This emotional hoarding is like trying to stuff a suitcase so full that it bursts at the seams. Sooner or later, it's going to pop. And when it does, it's not just ugly; it's harmful. We're talking about serious stuff here—chronic back pain, gnarly headaches, even heart disease. So, stop treating your body like a storage unit for crap you don't want to deal with.
Benefits of Processing Emotions: The Good Stuff
Emotional Recognition and Management
Getting in touch with your feelings and learning to listen to them isn’t just some touchy-feely self-help trend. It’s a necessity for robust living. Mastering the art of recognizing and managing your emotions isn’t about sprinkling your life with fairy dust; it’s about cranking the resolution so high that you can’t ignore the gritty details. It’s about transforming your existence into an IMAX experience — ultra-high definition, surround sound, the works. We're talking about an upgrade that turns your daily grind into a cinematic spectacle.
This journey isn't about softening the edges of your life with pastel colors. It's about blasting the bass and treble of reality, welcoming both the euphoric highs and the lows. It's about confronting the world in all its chaotic, intense, and outrageously vibrant hues. When you begin to really engage with your emotions, you're not just giving your inner landscape a facelift; you’re pulling back the blinds and opening the windows to let the raw, unfiltered sunlight pour in.
Sure, cranking up this emotional awareness means you’ll feel some distressing emotions. But when you start to approach your emotions with curiosity and suspend your judgment, that's when the magic happens. Suddenly, each feeling, even the distressing ones, starts to reveal its wisdom. They’re not just random noise; they’re strategic signals directing you towards solutions, pointing out paths forward through the chaos. Your emotions aren’t just messengers of distress; they’re architects, designing blueprints for better outcomes. Embrace them, and you’ll unlock insights that are as transformative as they are enlightening.
Improved Well-being and Relationships
Think of processed emotions as your soul going through a detox. It's like clearing out all the emotional junk that's been piling up in your system—making you lighter, clearer, and even a bit brighter. This isn't just about feeling a little less bad; it's about transforming your entire experience. When you stop stuffing your feelings into the back closet of your mind, you start connecting with people for real. No more hiding behind emotional walls, no more faking it to make it. You get to experience relationships that are deeper and more meaningful. Because let's face it, superficial is for sitcoms, not real life. When you're honest about what's going on inside, you build connections that are not just strong but real. So, open the windows, let the emotional light in, and watch your relationships transform.
How Can I Start To Feel Again?
Do you feel like your emotional range is as flat as week-old soda? Well, it's high time to jolt that sucker back to life with a good old-fashioned scare. Why? Because your comfort zone should be a launching pad for you to explore the depths of your emotions. So, go throw your arms up on a roller coaster and feel the thrill of allowing yourself to have fun. Let that shriek escape your lungs from a horror movie that you have been waiting to watch. Dive into a film so gut-wrenching, it makes your heart do somersaults with love. Or belt out your favorite Taylor Swift song in bumper-to-bumper traffic like you’re the star of the most epic car concert ever. You will get no judgment from me.
Seriously, stir the pot of your everyday life. Scare the hell out of your complacency. It's about giving your emotions a wake-up call. Sometimes, it really does take a shock to the system to get those emotional gears grinding again. Think of it as a defibrillator for your emotions—sometimes, you need a little zap to remind you that you’re more alive than you feel.
Embracing Emotional Catharsis through Media
Dipping your toes into your own emotional whirlpool feeling a bit too intense? Then try hijacking someone else’s emotional drama for a change. Crack open a book, binge a good TV series, or lose yourself in a movie marathon. Let yourself ride the emotional rollercoaster of these fictional characters. It’s safe, it’s controlled, and hey, it doesn’t require unpacking your own emotional luggage just yet. Think of it as the training wheels for your emotional bicycle. You're practicing for the major leagues of your own life, where the feelings are real, and the stakes are personal.
Reconnecting Through Physical Sensations
Remember, feelings aren't just some mental gymnastics; they're as physical as a punch in the face. So, if you're feeling numb, shock your system back to life. Plunge into a freezing cold shower. Visit a sauna at a local gym. Or simply step outside and let the sun hit your face for a while. Stir up your body's sensations, and watch as your brain starts picking up the emotional signals again. It's like hitting the reset button.
Strategies for Overcoming Numbing Behaviors: Breaking the Habit
You’ve got this emotional volcano inside you. It's not about slapping a giant "DO NOT DISTURB" sign on it and hoping it goes away. It's about learning how to live with the lava. First up, figure out what lights your fuse. What ticks you off? What makes you want to punch a pillow? Or what sends you down the rabbit hole of feeling zilch? Start there.
Then, instead of slamming the door shut on these feelings, introduce some self-care techniques. I’m talking about deep breathing, maybe some meditation, or just a simple walk. You can check out our free Heart Flow Exercise if you want to try out a guided meditation. It’s not about muting your emotions; it’s about tuning the volume to a level where you can actually enjoy the music and be curious about your emotions. Control the burn, don’t put it out—because feelings, even the rough ones, are part of the soundtrack of an amazing life.
Gradual Reduction of Numbing Mechanisms
Look, kicking your numbing habits isn't something you'll nail by tomorrow morning. It's more like training for a marathon—slow, steady, and sometimes a pain in the ass. Start slicing through your go-to escapes—alcohol, Netflix marathons, the black hole of social media. Cut back gradually. And here's the kicker: swap out those mind-numbing vices with stuff that actually makes you feel pumped. Dive into a hobby that gets your heart racing, join a club, get out into nature—anything that reminds you that you're alive and not just a zombie scrolling through life. If you need help gradually cutting bad from a habit, especially alcohol or drugs, please reach out to us at Horn Counseling, and we can help you get connected with a therapist in your area.
Call to Action: Get Out There and Feel Something
Look, this isn't just about you. This is about all of us learning new ways of engaging with our emotions and getting our lives thriving. So, talk about your messy feelings, hear out others, and let’s collectively start dealing with our emotions in a healthy way. It’s time to crank up the dial on life and experience each sensation, raw and unfiltered, one genuine moment at a time.
Actionable Steps
Here’s how you can apply this blog in your life to effectively address emotional numbness and reignite your emotional engine:
Challenge Your Comfort Zone
Activity Suggestions: Start with activities that push your boundaries slightly. You might not jump straight to skydiving, but how about trying something out of your routine? Attend a dance class, start a new hobby that involves some risk (like rock climbing), or even plan a solo trip. The key is to do something that gets your adrenaline going and pulls you out of your routine. Get some ideas for self-care habits in an earlier blog.
Routine Implementation: Incorporate small challenges into your weekly routine. For example, commit to one new activity each week that scares you a bit.
Embrace Emotional Media
Watch and Learn: Make it a regular practice to watch movies or read books that stir strong emotions. Choose a mix of genres to experience a spectrum of feelings—comedy for laughter, drama for sorrow, and thrillers for fear.
Journaling Responses: After each movie or book, spend some time journaling about how it made you feel. Reflect on whether these feelings connect to any personal experiences or emotions you might be suppressing.
Physical Reconnection
Temperature Play: Experiment with physical sensations like taking cold showers or sitting by a fire. Pay attention to how your body reacts to extreme temperatures.
Daily Physical Activity: Incorporate physical activities that increase body awareness, such as yoga, martial arts, or even meditation. Focus on exercises that enhance mindfulness and physical sensations.
Cultivate Emotional Awareness
Mindful Monitoring: Throughout your day, periodically check in with yourself. How are you feeling at this moment? What’s going on inside your head? Use apps or set alarms as reminders to take these mental inventories.
Emotion Processing Practice: When you identify a strong emotion, sit with it. Instead of turning away, ask yourself what this emotion might be telling you. What does it say about your current needs or boundaries?
Reduce Numbing Behaviors
Identify Triggers: Keep a log of when you feel the urge to engage in numbing behaviors (like scrolling through social media, binge-watching TV, or other escapisms). Note what feelings or situations trigger these responses.
Conscious Substitution: Gradually replace these behaviors with more engaging alternatives. For example, if you tend to reach for your phone during stressful times, replace this with a short walk or a few minutes of breathing exercises.
Community Engagement
Share Your Journey: Open up about your experiences with emotional numbness in support groups, with friends, or on social media. Sharing not only helps you process your emotions but also assists others who might be dealing with similar issues.
Engage in Therapy: If self-guided methods are overwhelming, consider seeking professional help. A therapist specialized in emotional processing can offer personalized strategies and support. You can get started by scheduling a free 15-minute consultation to find the therapist that is the right fit for you and your therapy goals.
By integrating these strategies into your life, you're not just addressing emotional numbness; you're actively moving towards a more vibrant, emotionally fulfilling life. Remember, this is not just about feeling better—it’s about becoming more connected with yourself and ultimately leading a richer, more engaged life.
References
"The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk
"Emotional Agility" by Susan David
"Effects of Suppression of Personal Emotions on Social Interactions" by James J. Gross
"The Power of Vulnerability" by Brené Brown
"Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook" by Matthew McKay, Jeffrey C. Wood, and Jeffrey Brantley
Mindful.org
American Psychological Association (APA) Website
