From Stigma to Strength: Redefining Crying
Victor Hugo wrote in Les Misérables, “Those who do not weep, do not see.” This captures the essence of crying as not just a release but a means of truly seeing and understanding our emotions, ourselves and the world around us. From our first moments as infants, tears are our primary form of expression, conveying needs and emotions from discomfort to joy. However, as we grow, societal stigmas and personal experiences often teach us to view vulnerability and crying as signs of weakness.
But what if we changed our perspective on tears? Rather than viewing them as a weakness, we could see them as a testament to our humanity, a bridge to deeper understanding and connection. Reflect on the times when crying brought you relief or deepened a relationship.
How might embracing tears more openly change your life? What would it feel like to let those emotions flow freely, without fear of judgment? As we delve into the significance of emotional vulnerability, let's consider how allowing ourselves to cry can not only enrich our connections with others but also enhance our personal growth.
The Development and Function of Crying
In the beginning, there is crying. When we enter this world, tears become our faithful companions, signaling our needs and desires to the world around us. As infants, we possess no words to articulate our emotions, relying instead on the universal language of tears to convey our discomfort, sadness, or joy.
I remember a client, let's call her Sarah for the sake of this article, who struggled to express her emotions verbally. Growing up in a household where vulnerability was perceived as weakness, Sarah learned to suppress her tears, burying her emotions beneath a facade of stoicism. But in our therapy sessions, as she began to peel back the layers of the completely understandable emotional armor her system needed to construct to protect her as a child, Sarah was able to discover the healing power of tears. Each tear shed was a testament to her courage, a step towards reclaiming her emotional authenticity.
Throughout life, crying evolves from a primitive means of communication to a nuanced expression of our innermost thoughts and feelings. We learn to express and navigate our emotions through our tears. And though we may develop alternative methods of emotional expression, crying remains an essential tool in our arsenal, a lifeline to our deepest emotions. It is a way we not only connect and develop relationships with others but also develop relationships with ourselves. When we allow ourselves to cry, we acknowledge to our inner self that we see our system. We see those emotions. We acknowledge them.
Why Don’t We Cry?
Despite the importance, many of us are hesitant to embrace the natural expression of emotion. Why is it that we often suppress our tears, denying ourselves the opportunity for emotional release and connection?
The roots of this reluctance to cry run deep, woven into our personal experiences and cultural conditioning. For some, it stems from past traumas, where our survival depended on suppressing our emotions and presenting a show of strength and resilience. In these instances, our systems learned to associate crying with danger, leading us to instinctively avoid vulnerability and emotional expression. Trauma is complex and can affect how we view ourselves, others, and the world around us. You can learn more about trauma and how to work through the effects of trauma by working with a mental health professional.
Similarly, societal stigma and cultural norms play a significant role in shaping our attitudes towards crying. From a young age, we are inundated with messages that equate tears with weakness or inadequacy, perpetuating the notion that emotions are something to be hidden or ashamed of. Whether through subtle cues or overt admonitions, we internalize these beliefs, fearing that our tears will alienate us from the connection and acceptance we desperately crave.
I recall a conversation with a client, Alex, who struggled with the societal expectation to suppress their emotions. Raised in a household where vulnerability was equated with weakness, Alex learned to hide their tears behind a mask. But as the pressures of adulthood mounted, Alex found themself drowning in a sea of tears, suffocating beneath the weight of unexpressed emotions. Alex was being sent over the emotional edge in almost every situation because the emotional reservoir was constantly full. Very rarely being acknowledged or expressed. Can you relate to Alex?
In many cultures, men, in particular, are discouraged from displaying vulnerability and taught to suppress their tears and "man up" instead. But what if we reframed our perception of crying? What if we saw tears not as a sign of weakness but as a testament to our humanity—a powerful reminder of our capacity to feel deeply and authentically? Men can come together and talk about the stigma around vulnerability and emotional expression to bring about healthier views of masculinity.
In essence, our reluctance to cry is a complex interplay of past experiences, cultural influences, and deeply ingrained beliefs about our emotions. Yet, as we unravel the layers of conditioning and confront the stigma surrounding tears, we open ourselves up to the transformative power of emotional authenticity and connection. By reclaiming our right to cry and honoring the depth of our emotional experiences, we pave the way for healing, growth, and true human connection.
Symbolism of Tears
In many tales and myths, tears symbolize a passage from darkness to light, a journey from despair to hope. They represent the raw, unfiltered expression of human emotion, transcending language and culture to touch the depths of our shared humanity.
In the movie Frozen, tears serve as a powerful symbol of thawing numbness and rediscovering the capacity for love and connection. Elsa's journey from self-imposed isolation to emotional liberation mirrors our own struggles with vulnerability and authenticity, reminding us that it's through our tears that we find our truest selves.
From the ancient philosophers who extolled the virtues of catharsis to the modern-day storytellers who celebrate the transformative power of tears, the symbolic significance of tears has endured throughout the ages. They remind us that our tears are not a sign of weakness but a testament to our resilience and strength.
The Benefits of Crying
Beyond its symbolic significance, crying offers many benefits for our mental and emotional well-being. Biologically, tears stimulate the production of endorphins, our body's natural painkillers, and "feel-good" hormones. Scientific research into tears unveils their deeper significance. When we cry, our bodies release stress hormones, offering a tangible release from emotional burdens. Emotionally, crying is a release valve for pent-up emotions, allowing us to purge ourselves of grief, sadness, or anger.
Consider the story of Emily, who found herself overwhelmed by work and personal life pressures. For months, she bottled up her emotions, refusing to acknowledge the tsunami of tears threatening to engulf her. But in a moment of vulnerability, as she allowed herself to cry, Emily experienced a profound sense of relief—a weight lifted from her shoulders, leaving a sense of clarity and peace.
Psychologically, crying fosters connection and empathy, serving as a silent invitation for others to offer comfort and support. In moments of shared tears, we find solace in the knowledge that we are not alone—that our pain is recognized and validated by those who witness our tears.
Overcoming the Stigma: Tips for Embracing Crying
As we journey through the labyrinth of our emotions, it's essential to cultivate a healthy relationship with crying, recognizing it not as a sign of weakness but as a powerful tool for emotional healing and self-expression. Here are some practical strategies to help you embrace crying and harness its transformative potential:
Cultivate Self-Compassion
When faced with the urge to cry, resist the temptation to judge yourself harshly or dismiss your emotions as trivial. Instead, practice self-compassion, acknowledging your feelings with kindness and understanding. Cultivate an attitude of curiosity and be curious about why you and your system need to cry. It’s coming up for a valid reason.
Create a Safe Space
Find a quiet, private space where you feel comfortable expressing your emotions without fear of judgment or interruption. Whether it's a cozy corner of your home or a secluded spot in nature, create a sanctuary where you can freely release your tears.
Reach Out for Support
Don't be afraid to reach out to trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals for support. Sharing your tears with others can be a powerful way to deepen connections and strengthen relationships.
Practice Mindfulness
Incorporate mindfulness practices such as meditation and deep breathing exercises into your daily routine. These techniques can help you cultivate awareness of your emotions and create space for them to be felt and expressed.
Journaling
Consider keeping a journal to explore your thoughts and feelings in writing. Writing can be a cathartic process, allowing you to untangle the complexities of your emotions and gain insight into their underlying causes.
Seek Professional Help
If you find yourself struggling to cope with overwhelming emotions, don't hesitate to seek help from a qualified therapist or counselor. Professional support can provide you with the tools and guidance you need to navigate difficult emotions and cultivate emotional resilience. If you need help finding a therapist in your area, please reach out to us at Horn Counseling. We will be happy to help you.
What’s Next?
The journey of embracing crying is one that leads us to the depths of our humanity, where vulnerability meets resilience and authenticity reigns supreme. Through tears, we find solace, connection, and healing, unlocking the hidden wisdom within our hearts. Remember that crying is not a sign of weakness but a testament to our strength and courage. Through our tears, we express the full spectrum of human emotions, from sorrow and pain to joy and healing. By embracing crying as a natural and healthy expression of our emotions, we empower ourselves to live authentically and fully embrace our humanity. Let us create safe spaces where tears are welcomed and vulnerability is celebrated, allowing ourselves and others to express our emotions openly and authentically.
As we journey forward, may we continue to cultivate self-compassion, practice emotional awareness, and reach out for support when needed. Let us celebrate the beauty of emotional authenticity and honor the profound wisdom that lies within our tears. In the end, may our tears be a source of strength, resilience, and connection, guiding us on our journey toward healing and self-discovery. May we always remember that it's through our tears that we can find our authentic selves and live our fullest lives.
If you are ready to start your therapy journey, you can reach out to us at Horn Counseling. We will help you find a therapist in your area.
Actionable Steps
Reflect on Your Relationship with Crying: Take some time to reflect on your own beliefs and attitudes towards crying. Are there any societal or cultural norms that have influenced how you perceive crying? Journal about your thoughts and feelings surrounding crying to gain clarity and insight.
Normalize Crying: Challenge any stigma or shame you may feel about crying by normalizing it in your own life. Remind yourself that crying is a natural and healthy response to emotional experiences and that it's okay to express your emotions openly and authentically.
Create a Safe Space: Identify a safe and comfortable environment where you feel free to express your emotions without judgment. This could be a quiet corner of your home, a secluded spot in nature, or a trusted friend or family member's presence.
Practice Emotional Awareness: Cultivate mindfulness practices such as meditation and deep breathing exercises to develop greater awareness of your emotions. Pay attention to how your body responds to different emotional experiences and allow yourself to fully feel and express your feelings.
Reach Out for Support: Don't hesitate to reach out to trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals for support during times of emotional distress. Sharing your tears with others can deepen connections and provide comfort and validation.
Journaling: Start a journaling practice to explore your thoughts and feelings surrounding crying. Write about your experiences with crying, including any insights or revelations you've gained from reading the article and reflecting on your own emotions.
Set Boundaries: Set boundaries around your emotional experiences and prioritize self-care. Give yourself permission to take breaks when needed and engage in activities that bring you comfort and joy.
Celebrate Emotional Authenticity: Celebrate moments of emotional authenticity in yourself and others. Recognize the courage it takes to express vulnerability and honor the depth of human emotion that lies beneath the surface.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle and compassionate with yourself as you navigate your emotional journey. Offer yourself kindness and understanding, knowing that it's okay to feel and express your emotions in whatever way feels right for you.
Take Action: Start incorporating the insights from the article into your daily life by taking small, actionable steps towards embracing crying as a natural and healthy expression of your emotions. Remember that healing and growth are ongoing processes, and it's okay to take things one step at a time.
By incorporating these strategies into your life, you can begin to embrace crying as a natural and healthy expression of your emotions, empowering yourself to embrace your humanity and live authentically and fully. Remember that your tears are not a sign of weakness but a testament to your resilience and strength. Embrace them with open arms, and let them guide you on your journey towards healing and self-discovery.
References
Burgess, L. (2023, July). Eight Benefits of Crying: Why It’s Good to Shed a Few Tears. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319631
Newhouse, L. (2021, March). Is Crying Good For You? https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/is-crying-good-for-you-2021030122020
Vingerhoets, A. (2013) Why Only Humans Weep: Unravelling the mysteries of tears. Oxford Academic, Oxford.
